Sometimes I think I’ve finally got it all figured out. Like I’ve found the missing piece that holds my world together. I’ll think, “so this is how it feels.” And for a moment, I’ll take solace in the silence. Find peace with the mediocrity of it all. But before long I’m back on that road, going far too fast with no intention of stopping. And I’ll think “I’d rather feel this.” And I suppose I’m set in my reckless ways; but I’d rather scream my heart out into the unknown than live a life of reticent familiarity. 

Maybe 5 years from now 

Our paths will cross again 

And I’ll tell you how desperately in love I was with you 

And we can laugh about how we 

Broke each others’ hearts 

“And I know it’s stupid,” she says slowly, gathering the courage to continue. “And I know you’re fine without me. But when I hear that song I can’t help but wonder if we both made a mistake. Because this gut wrenching ache in my heart tells me I could have loved you. And I think you could have loved me back.” 

Thinking about him was the worst form of self harm. Because I knew deep down I was the furthest thing from his mind.